Relationships are often confusing, brain-hurting messes of enigmas, even without 10,000 km in between you and your significant other. Add distance in and you’re set for a bumpy ride. Though “Never” is a harsh word, it’s easier to say than “More often than not, these relationships don’t work out” or “In most cases, they usually don’t work out.” So, what I really want to share is a few reasons why you should think twice before starting a long-distance relationship. Because they, more often than not, in most cases, don’t work out.
1. It’s not easy to trust someone you hardly see in person
When it comes to trust, talk is cheap. Anybody can say or swear they’re trustworthy. Anyone can say they love you or they miss you. But ultimately, you need to see it to believe it. Real genuine trust is shown in a person’s actions, not just words. And this is especially not with grand gestures, like showering you with fancy gifts. In long distance relationships, you see each other so infrequently that it’s tough to build up that trust. You visit each other, then go back to your separate lives, without a clue what the other person is doing while you’re away for the next few weeks or months. How are you supposed to build long lasting trust?
2. It usually leads to cheating
Let’s face the facts about a long-distance relationship: Your significant other is unreachable, you’re lonely and depressed about it, and there are tons of single people where you live. Statistically, you’re probably going to think about cheating albeit slightly understandable. (Note: Cheating is terrible and I’m not endorsing it) You can’t see your significant other whenever you want, unlike in most relationships, and you’re only human. Most people would only be able to hold out for a certain amount of time before someone way more convenient comes into your life. If you’re one of the honest ones, you’ll end your long-distance relationship before it comes to that. But it’s easy to be tempted if you believe there’s no way your significant other will find out about your straying.
3. Distance leads to frustration. Frustration to fighting. Fighting to break-ups.
It’s an inevitable cycle of long-distance relationship. And trust me, nobody thinks about the distance in their relationship and goes, “YES! This is so going to be exciting!” It’s frustrating, for everyone. You’re starting off your relationship at a point of frustration. Yes, frustration leads to fighting, which leads to breakups in general, but you’re beginning your relationship with frustration. Most relationships start off at a neutral point. If things get bad later, it’s because differences and incompatibilities build up, creating a frustrating situation. With long distance relationships, the frustration is weaved right into the fabric.
4. You’ll never have a future unless it is a short-term arrangement
It’s pretty hard to start a family when you live in a different country or worst, continent. Unless the distance is something short term, let’s say for a year or two, it’s still acceptable. But the reality is, the fact that distance would play a big factor is something a lot don’t truly think about until the relationship isn’t going so well. Denial, maybe. But in order to have a real future with someone, you have to live in the same place. Relationships are hard enough. Starting a relationship off without even having that simple requirement met makes it a million times harder than a normal relationship would.
What can you do?
Prioritise proper communication.Make it a point to address every argument, and to talk to each other about any issues that pop up in a relationship. Added in with the distance, and lack of face-to-face time, it will make the relationship to be more prone to arguments. Taking the time to talk and listen to each other will help to prevent any assumptions, drama and arguments.
Do not compare your partner to another. Being far from one another, it’s easy for our partners to develop feelings of jealousy and have insecurities over the status of the relationship. So, ensure not to dwell in the habit of constantly bring up another person and comparing them to our partners. This would only go on to make your partner feel more inadequate. Over time, feelings of insecurity and jealousy added on by the distance will only go on to strain the relationship further.
Both parties have to put in extra effort to keep the “spark” going. Make it a point to organise (weekly Skype dates, or spend a certain amount of time daily to keep in touch with each other’s day via message, sending a surprise parcel or gifts to a significant other abroad), are some sweet gestures that you and your partner will have to be ready to do, to keep the spark alive in a relationship and to remind your partner that they are on your mind no matter the distance.
Put yourself in his or her shoes.Due to the fact that you and your partner are not together in the same place, it could prove to be tricky on the relationship when your partner starts to gain new experiences and changes being in a new environment and that you aren’t there physically to share these changes. As a partner, patiently embrace these new changes that are occurring in their lives and be willing to support them positively.
If you really want a long-distance relationship to work, it’s best to have a plan to end the distance soon. Don’t make relationships harder than they have to be. Life is hard enough. Think twice before you bring a situation into your life that’s going to make life even harder for you. At the end of the day, long-term relationship will change you – either for better or for worse. Love has the power to transform us, so hopefully, we have chosen well and picked a partner that can grow with us.